Quiet is a very fragile thing as you can't protect it without first destroying it. Like when you're sleeping, you're woken up by someone (insensitive) and you just can't escape back into blissful sleep until you've been furious, yelled at The Insensitive One and once again calmed yourself down. I guess you can only protect your quiet by taking preventive measures. I'm saying this because, having returned to Denmark I find myself increasingly caught up in a jumble of activities again and losing one of the things I didn't really realise I had in France: quiet. I've never realised how important it is to take time to stay home, turn off the music (and the cell-phone) and just let yourself calm down. I've never before realised what it means to 'lose yourself' and the refreshing experience of 'letting yourself catch up.' (There's a great phrase for it in Danish)
This ties in with the tentative issue of identity, how I've never felt sure of myself which reflected in how I conversed with people. I know I've been a good entertainer but when it came to making a point that's even mildly controversial, I found myself blocking up, avoiding eye-contact and agreeing all to readily with which ever point anyone else was making. Now, having 'come in contact with myself', (this is beginning to sound more and more like 'TV-shoppen') I am more assured of what I am, what I think and what I believe. Fantastic, that! ;)
But yes, I'm back in Denmark and am glad to be so. My plans now are to get a job until February when I'll start in the army for four months after which I'll have time to complete a bachelor's degree in something before applying for the Police Academy. [smile] Sounds very tidy, doesn't it?`
21 August, 2005
11 August, 2005
Marauder
I went 'power shopping' today simply because I was bored. Anyway, bought a really nice navy sweater and a DVD plus a CD for the Arab who's been carting me around. He's also proposed to drive me to the airport tomorrow which is a huuuge relief as I had no way of getting there as things were. Well there is a shuttle bus from the main train station, but to get to that I'd be taking one bus and the metro in a disjointed connect-way before the sun rose with 5 big pieces of luggage.
Wait, I haven't written it yet, have I? *laughs* Uhh, yesterday I bought a plane ticket home. Yeah, my parents had already bought one for me for the 23rd August but I didn't wanna wait that long. (No, can't refund my parents' ticket but I'll pay them back.) There are of course several reasons for this rather radical course of action: I feel like I'm wasting my time here now that the learning of the language has been obstructed, I'm working for around kr. 35/hour in the restaurant and I miss ppl back home (which is unusual for me!). The plane ticket (checking in tomorrow at 7am arriving in Billund, Dk, 1140 with a stop-over in Paris) cost 150 euros.
More to write? Yeah, sorry for the mood of this post but I'm reeeally tired cos I got up early (11am) this morning to start packing.
Anyway, I'll be going to Skywalk tomorrow evening and be starting on the soccer team again Wednesday! ahhah Actually it feels really good to have taken matters into my own hands. Taking responsibility, I call it. And no, I don't feel like I've 'quit' or backed down/given up etc. but this is no life to live down here. The Danes I went out with last night actually backed me up saying, "It's ruined, young men who emerge after having lived with Jose for too long!" coupled with many stories of others who've lived there.
Neway, I'm off to pack again! ;)
PS. Suzuki Marauder 850cc - niiiice...
Wait, I haven't written it yet, have I? *laughs* Uhh, yesterday I bought a plane ticket home. Yeah, my parents had already bought one for me for the 23rd August but I didn't wanna wait that long. (No, can't refund my parents' ticket but I'll pay them back.) There are of course several reasons for this rather radical course of action: I feel like I'm wasting my time here now that the learning of the language has been obstructed, I'm working for around kr. 35/hour in the restaurant and I miss ppl back home (which is unusual for me!). The plane ticket (checking in tomorrow at 7am arriving in Billund, Dk, 1140 with a stop-over in Paris) cost 150 euros.
More to write? Yeah, sorry for the mood of this post but I'm reeeally tired cos I got up early (11am) this morning to start packing.
Anyway, I'll be going to Skywalk tomorrow evening and be starting on the soccer team again Wednesday! ahhah Actually it feels really good to have taken matters into my own hands. Taking responsibility, I call it. And no, I don't feel like I've 'quit' or backed down/given up etc. but this is no life to live down here. The Danes I went out with last night actually backed me up saying, "It's ruined, young men who emerge after having lived with Jose for too long!" coupled with many stories of others who've lived there.
Neway, I'm off to pack again! ;)
PS. Suzuki Marauder 850cc - niiiice...
09 August, 2005
Ivan Nielsen's invitation
why does this keep appearing (some invitation of a kind)?! kind of annoying that I am apparantly inviting everyone in the world to join sms.ac on my account! Ignore it! Boykot them!
neways, yesterday was a good day. I called home to Dk for 2 hours and some more and went to work where I worked like I've never worked before. Also, two Danes came to the restaurant, one of them, Anni, a girl that's worked here a couple of years ago. Her reputation is crazy, "She worked for four ppl at once," "the only girl to be offered a contract straigt off.." She said that the story seems to grow every year! Haha.. Anyway, I'm going out with her and her boyfriend *forgot name...* tonight after work.
I'm trying to change my "non-refundable/no chgs" airticket so I can go home sooner. Hah, fat chance it'll work!
What's this with Canada trying to steal Hans Island off us?! Don't they have enuff vast untouched territory in Alaska already?? Where will us 5 mill Danes go when all the ice has melted due to global warming and our flat, flat country's under water besides Hans Island and the Faroe Islands?
Please, Air France, Pleeeeease can I change my ticket! I'll only be travelling one-way anyway, so you get a free seat that I've paid for and you can charge someone else for that seat too!
neways, yesterday was a good day. I called home to Dk for 2 hours and some more and went to work where I worked like I've never worked before. Also, two Danes came to the restaurant, one of them, Anni, a girl that's worked here a couple of years ago. Her reputation is crazy, "She worked for four ppl at once," "the only girl to be offered a contract straigt off.." She said that the story seems to grow every year! Haha.. Anyway, I'm going out with her and her boyfriend *forgot name...* tonight after work.
I'm trying to change my "non-refundable/no chgs" airticket so I can go home sooner. Hah, fat chance it'll work!
What's this with Canada trying to steal Hans Island off us?! Don't they have enuff vast untouched territory in Alaska already?? Where will us 5 mill Danes go when all the ice has melted due to global warming and our flat, flat country's under water besides Hans Island and the Faroe Islands?
Please, Air France, Pleeeeease can I change my ticket! I'll only be travelling one-way anyway, so you get a free seat that I've paid for and you can charge someone else for that seat too!
Melodramatic depression
"Sun is shining - the weather is bright.." are the lyrics currently running through my head; lyrics that describe a situation that stands in stark contrast to my current state of mind. Fact is, if I could change my ticket home to tomorrow, I would. Without hesitation!
It's not so much that things here aren't bright and gay (well, they are gay, but that's a whole different story) but rather that the knowledge that I'm going home soon is corrupting my work attitude and my attitude towards this... this place! All I can see is the beauty of the Danish flag and culture. Heaven IS a place on earth, ppl, believe me! haha
I'll leave out all the problems at work (social, school-yard, unavoidable problems).
At home my brother's been accepted into the medical faculty in Aarhus, I've been drafted for the army (which I have applied for - good thing), my apartment in Randers has practically been rented out to an elderly couple and my dad's got a new job! Ergo, everything is sunny in rainy Denmark and everything is drab in sunny Marseille. Haha.. No, I'm a bit too melodramatic, sorry. Take what I've written and divide it in half and you have the situation.
It's not so much that things here aren't bright and gay (well, they are gay, but that's a whole different story) but rather that the knowledge that I'm going home soon is corrupting my work attitude and my attitude towards this... this place! All I can see is the beauty of the Danish flag and culture. Heaven IS a place on earth, ppl, believe me! haha
I'll leave out all the problems at work (social, school-yard, unavoidable problems).
At home my brother's been accepted into the medical faculty in Aarhus, I've been drafted for the army (which I have applied for - good thing), my apartment in Randers has practically been rented out to an elderly couple and my dad's got a new job! Ergo, everything is sunny in rainy Denmark and everything is drab in sunny Marseille. Haha.. No, I'm a bit too melodramatic, sorry. Take what I've written and divide it in half and you have the situation.
01 August, 2005
Dogged Friendships
I've been thinking an awful lot about friendships in the last year, ever since I realised that I wasn't very good at it. What is a friendship and what purpose does it actually serve? I have gained good friends up till now, but I needed a formulated explanation to this riddle. I think the simple explanation came to me the other day, as I was drying glasses in the restaurant and thinking of home, that it is with friendships as with homes: its the familiarity. In your home you are comfortably able to be yourself without censorship of your manners as when you are a guest in someone else's home. This is what makes homes so safe! With good friends you are also comfortably able to be yourself without censorship of your manners as when you are with strangers. This is what makes friends so safe! Good friends, I believe, will also help you grow as a person in the form of inspiration and love. -okay, this is beginning to sound more and more obtuse.
Point is that its been a long while since I've felt at home/with friends and I value it all the more following the saying, that 'you don't know what you've got till its gone.' I've started missing the strangest people, people that I didn't even have much to do with before I left!
I went to church last Sunday, but it was holiday and there were around 30 people. As you might remember, I found this church by talking to an outreach team that was having a worship meeting on the street across from my restaurant. I talked to one of them, Bruce, and he gave me the address. Calling him Saturday evening he told me he was leaving for the States so he wouldn't be coming to church the next day and that I should talk to Jean-Paul there. I showed up Sunday morning and was meekly welcomed by one or two smiles and I sat down near the back. The meeting, all in French, was what one knows from evangelistic churches. The youth were yawning, the speaker earnest and the worship manned by 14 year-olds compelled by their mothers. Anyway, after the meeting I wound up talking to a law student who teaches all the American evangelists, who come long-term, French. He was no great socialiser and had no time to take on the responsibility of hosting me, so after talking for a bit the conversation was politely ended:
law student (LS) "So, what will you be doing now? -going home?"
me "well, I was supposed to speak to Jean Paul but I can't see him anywhere.."
LS "No, he's a very busy man. Well, I have things to do. I know of an English church where you might fit in better if you give me your e-mail address I will try and get you in touch with them."
me (slightly surprised at being brushed off and redirected) "Oh, uhh.. yeah, sure!"
LS "Okay, well bye bye."
Hmm.. Bruce had pushed up my hopes the day before by saying that Jean-Paul, a half vietnamese, would most probably invite me for lunch (and offer me hospitable familiarity) so I was quite disappointed. Ah well, I'll try to get in touch with the English church and hopefully find someone whom I can actually communicate with. I'm getting frustrated with broken English or French. I want to speak normally, dangit! You really don't know what you've got till it's gone! But what I do know more and more is how hesitant and over-sensitively reactive I've become about churches. It doesn't take much to tick me off and any carelesness with rituals or cliches instantly get under my skin. Fascinating! ;)
I've started fantasizing about home already and as a result started pondering where to get a job. I'm starting in the army from February but until then I have nothing. I've lent a hand to the YWAM base in Moerke with felling fallen trees (from the storm), and as I understand it, there are many places with fallen trees left. I could work as a forester! Anybody with contacts? I think I need some hard work that'll keep me moving and where I can also see results with my work!
The dog's lying beside me and is beginning to take more to me than Jose. (I have a way with animals.. ;) A week ago I noticed what seemed to be a tick on its neck and I told Jose about it. Dunno what he's done about it but now the dog's scratced itself raw in the neck so I suppose Jose didn't really do much about it. The hole in the skin's about half the size of my palm of my hand and looks quite brutal. The dog's growing on my but I'll be glad to leave him behind!
I've gotten a bike! -a truly French bike: none of the screws are tightened properly, the chain has never seen oil and the wheels have only just enough air in them to keep the rims off the pavement. Nobody has a pump and nobody has tools. sigh I'm heading past the local car repair shop to see what I can borrow. The only priority with the bike is the chain which'd tie up an elephant and a lock that's the perfect weight for throwing.
My French is progressing though as I've started throwing around the most basic phrases without hesitation and have stopped translating everything and started thinking in French. Its quite exciting and its the only thing that makes me wish I could stay until January..
Oh well! Despite all this I am okay and my only problems have to do with longing for Denmark. So I am quite well! heh
Point is that its been a long while since I've felt at home/with friends and I value it all the more following the saying, that 'you don't know what you've got till its gone.' I've started missing the strangest people, people that I didn't even have much to do with before I left!
I went to church last Sunday, but it was holiday and there were around 30 people. As you might remember, I found this church by talking to an outreach team that was having a worship meeting on the street across from my restaurant. I talked to one of them, Bruce, and he gave me the address. Calling him Saturday evening he told me he was leaving for the States so he wouldn't be coming to church the next day and that I should talk to Jean-Paul there. I showed up Sunday morning and was meekly welcomed by one or two smiles and I sat down near the back. The meeting, all in French, was what one knows from evangelistic churches. The youth were yawning, the speaker earnest and the worship manned by 14 year-olds compelled by their mothers. Anyway, after the meeting I wound up talking to a law student who teaches all the American evangelists, who come long-term, French. He was no great socialiser and had no time to take on the responsibility of hosting me, so after talking for a bit the conversation was politely ended:
law student (LS) "So, what will you be doing now? -going home?"
me "well, I was supposed to speak to Jean Paul but I can't see him anywhere.."
LS "No, he's a very busy man. Well, I have things to do. I know of an English church where you might fit in better if you give me your e-mail address I will try and get you in touch with them."
me (slightly surprised at being brushed off and redirected) "Oh, uhh.. yeah, sure!"
LS "Okay, well bye bye."
Hmm.. Bruce had pushed up my hopes the day before by saying that Jean-Paul, a half vietnamese, would most probably invite me for lunch (and offer me hospitable familiarity) so I was quite disappointed. Ah well, I'll try to get in touch with the English church and hopefully find someone whom I can actually communicate with. I'm getting frustrated with broken English or French. I want to speak normally, dangit! You really don't know what you've got till it's gone! But what I do know more and more is how hesitant and over-sensitively reactive I've become about churches. It doesn't take much to tick me off and any carelesness with rituals or cliches instantly get under my skin. Fascinating! ;)
I've started fantasizing about home already and as a result started pondering where to get a job. I'm starting in the army from February but until then I have nothing. I've lent a hand to the YWAM base in Moerke with felling fallen trees (from the storm), and as I understand it, there are many places with fallen trees left. I could work as a forester! Anybody with contacts? I think I need some hard work that'll keep me moving and where I can also see results with my work!
The dog's lying beside me and is beginning to take more to me than Jose. (I have a way with animals.. ;) A week ago I noticed what seemed to be a tick on its neck and I told Jose about it. Dunno what he's done about it but now the dog's scratced itself raw in the neck so I suppose Jose didn't really do much about it. The hole in the skin's about half the size of my palm of my hand and looks quite brutal. The dog's growing on my but I'll be glad to leave him behind!
I've gotten a bike! -a truly French bike: none of the screws are tightened properly, the chain has never seen oil and the wheels have only just enough air in them to keep the rims off the pavement. Nobody has a pump and nobody has tools. sigh I'm heading past the local car repair shop to see what I can borrow. The only priority with the bike is the chain which'd tie up an elephant and a lock that's the perfect weight for throwing.
My French is progressing though as I've started throwing around the most basic phrases without hesitation and have stopped translating everything and started thinking in French. Its quite exciting and its the only thing that makes me wish I could stay until January..
Oh well! Despite all this I am okay and my only problems have to do with longing for Denmark. So I am quite well! heh
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